Sarcasm express pulls out of the station

I was talking to my friend on the phone just now, and he pointed out that I'm actually only funny when being sarcastic. This is a shame because I do so feel that sarcasm is a bit mean-spirited. But what is a girl to do? Be dull or spread ill will? For this post, I have chosen the latter. The sole funny comment that I made during our conversation occurred while I was relaying my recent experience with an online dating site. I'd answered some questions about myself (improving my chances! finding the man of my dreams!) and apparently had some astronomically high chances, statistically speaking, of being a great match with this fellow I knew. The problem is that I have seen him before in person and always thought that he looked. . . well, . . . evil.

"What do you mean evil?" my friend asked, "is he ugly?". "No" I replied, "his face is very symmetrical, it just looks equally evil on both sides." This comment strikes me as mean, but my friend got a real kick out of it. He was also humored when I mentioned that this friend of his -- for whom I do not care -- seems to have social skills on par with those of an ant. No art was present in that sarcastic cut down, though, so I'm hesitant even to mention it.

In terms of good 'ole self-deprecating humor, which is less likely to hurt the feelings of any reader (which, I suppose, would only be myself), I'm in a bit of a pickle. Basically, I'm waiting for a break-up email, although it will be from a person whom I just met online. Somehow, I develop feelings for people whom I've never met virtually out of thin air. . . and a few vowels and consonants tossed up in front of my eyes on the computer. The problem is this: normally, I cope with frustrating events by eating. However, because I couldn't deal with the angst of expecting to receive a break-up email from my non-boyfriend on the internet, I already ate the ice cream. So now I'm out of ice cream, the email hasn't arrived, and I have no idea how I'll cope once it arrives.

Oh, the pain of life as a single, somewhat-symmetrical, woman, trapped in the throes of an internet relationship in this age of cyber fake breakups and real life ice cream.

Week ?: Bad Idea!

Since I haven't been able to fit in a long ride like I'm supposed to do, I decided to mix things up and ride my bike to the coffee shop where I work sometimes. The shop is really nearby, so I thought that I'd take a longer route to give myself at least a tiny bit more exercise.

I loaded myself up with my backpack (which is slowly compressing my spine with its weight), water, and snacks and jumped on my bike. Whew! There is a HUGE difference between riding with a heavy backpack -- laptop, 3 books, papers -- and not. I must've weighed 200 pounds with it or something! The gears were squeaking, and my rear-end hurt will all of the pressure on it. The streets around here kind of busy, so I know that drivers were passing by in their cars like, "Who is *this* girl?". I took a detour through a residential neighborhood so that I wouldn't be on the main street. This took me far past where the coffee shop was, so I had to double back . . . and I wound up on the sidewalk. I know that this must've been annoying to pedestrians . . . however, the two 14-year-old boys in front of me clearly did not notice that a biker was following them. The boys were young and thin, but both had their pants really low and their underwear showing. . . with belts on . . . to keep their pants up underneath their derrieres!

Eventually, I made it to the coffee shop and got some work done. I stayed late, though, and left around 10pm . . . when it was RAINING and COLD! ha! I tried to wipe off the seat and dry it with napkins, but as soon as I'd wipe it off and try to unlock the bike lock, more rain would fall on it. Or I'd wipe it off and put my helmet on. . . more rain would fall. Ahhhh! I hopped on and pedaled home as quickly as possible through the dark, cold and rain. (I do have a blinking light on the back so that people could see me -- but I stayed on the sidewalks for most of the time.) When I got home and carried my bike up the stairs, I hadn't realized how quickly your muscles tire out and get cold -- I felt the weakness in my thighs from not being able to warm up and riding in cold rain. Also, I hadn't had dinner yet, though I'd had a snack, so I may've been low on glucose.

Anywhoo, when I got home, Rumi, one of my cats, started makin' love to my bike. :) He was rubbing his face all over the gear and wriggling around like he was really enjoying it. I took the snapshot above. :)

Time: 0:10:32
Distance: 1.532 miles
Avg. spd: 8.7 mph
Max spd: 18.1 mph